Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day to all. Remind me next year that waiting to the last minute on Memorial Day weekend will find all of the camp sites full... No matter, we were able to spend time with a wonderful friend and that's what was really important for either of us anyway.

Not sure why, but I started looking deeper into astrology again. I've done two different online natal charts and both of them tell me that my sun sign is Aries, but it just doesn't feel right to me. I figured out that if I had been born 18 minutes earlier, at 1:36am rather than at 1:54am my sun sign would have been Pisces, which seems to be a much better fit.

Aries is energetic, innovative, original, pioneering, assertive, quick-tempered, strong drive, leader, ambitious, extroverted, sometimes aggressive, competitive, enthusiastic, self-reliant, and self-assured.

Pisces is receptive, supersensitive, impressionable, peace-loving, serious, sympathetic, charitable, compassionate, artistic, creative, dreamer, dedicated, imaginative, psychic, shy, introverted, spiritual, and reclusive.

I was born on a "cusp", when the sun is moving from one sun sign to the next - so I'm both Pisces and Aries, which basically means that I'm unique (no surprise there I'm thinking). This seems ironic, I'm both a water and fire sign, does that mean I put myself out? I just found this while surfing "An Aries/Pisces cusp may leave you confused many times in your life when the inner spirit is gung-ho to do a thing but that tingling bit of caution creeps in to make you unsure. That is the, let's get moving Aries being slowed down by the ever careful Pisces!" Yes, that sounds a bit more like me ...

Here's another interesting tidbit - my mom, mom's brother, my sister and I were all born on a cusp - but my uncle and I are the only two born on the date that the sun actually moved from one sign into another.

No, I don't fully understand why it seems so important to me right now, but I can't seem to get passed it either.

and what about the adrenal glands?

So, good news from the endocrinologist today. There is nothing wrong with my adrenal glands, so the thyroid surgery can go ahead as planned. I felt a great weight lifted off me when I heard this and hadn't even really known that it was bothering me so much! I am really tired tonight, so am going to head off to bed. Sweet dreams to all.

a workaholic! Who, me?

Yesterday, Kristy (my supervisor) and I were discussing short term disability and that I needed to call Human Resources no more than 2 weeks before my anticipated leave of absence to get the paperwork started. She suggested that I call Dr. Helvig again to try to get a better picture of how much time I would have to miss from work, not just recovery after the surgery. At about 4:55 this afternoon I finally got a call back. Here's the latest ... I can expect to be in the hospital for approximately 3 days after surgery, then it could be anywhere from 6 to 7 weeks before Dr. Helvig will release me to return to work. I was told that I might feel up to going back to work 2 weeks after surgery, but by week 4 hypothyroid will kick in to full drive and I will be extremely tired and weak (plus a laundry list of other symptoms that accompany it), plus I'll start the radioactive iodine shortly after that.

Evidence that I'm a workaholic was that I almost cried when she said that I'd probably be out that long. Since I've been with RCIS for 16 years my short term disability covers up to 21 weeks at 100% pay, so that wasn't the issue. It is going to be very difficult for me to sit back and have someone else do my job for me. Consider this, normally Kristy has to remind me that I need to start scheduling days off and I almost always have 5 days to carry over to the next calendar year, so you should be able to surmise that I don't like taking time off work very often.

There may be a blessing in all this though. I've been feeling more and more burned out at work and since I tend to not take time off on my own, maybe forced time off will be good for me. I've got lots of pictures I've been meaning to get into scrapbooks, I've got 2 unfinished afghans that I might finally complete. Then there is an offer I was given recently to design a web site for a local family owned business, maybe I'll get to work on that? Who knows what I'll wind up doing, but it could be good for me to be away from work for that length of time.....

lesson for the day

I have a story to share that confirmed for me (once again) that everything happens for a reason. I also want to share what lessons I hope I’ve learned for the last time. Maybe it will help someone else get through his or her own rough times…

It's no secret that my financial life is a mess right now, so last night’s grocery shopping trip sent me into another tailspin. I am close to the maximum balance on 2 of my 4 credit cards, and after last Friday’s vet visit we all know my checking account status is UGLY! Before we left for the store I checked all of my accounts online, determined which of the 2 cards without a balance has the best rate and decided to use that card with the express intention of paying the amount in full before any interest attaches. I put the card in my purse and we went to the store. We didn’t need much, but since we are going camping this weekend we picked up a couple extra food items to take with us so we don’t have to rush around at the last minute to pick up what we need. At the checkout I pulled out the card I had pre-determined I should use and handed it to the cashier. When I heard the words “this card was declined” I felt dizzy and nauseas. I flat out refused to panic in public, so I pulled out my Cash & Check card and used that instead (as of last night the vet payment had not been taken from my account). I used every breathing technique I know to keep it together until I got in the truck (a minor victory in itself).

I didn’t say much on the short trip home because I didn’t want to agitate Scott any more than he already was. I waited to let the tears and panic out until I was alone in the bathroom, safe at home. I started chanting the first line of the 23^rd Psalm “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want”. After a couple of minutes I was able to remember more lines and began to calm down. Scott had already put away most of the groceries and he understood that I needed some alone time, so I went downstairs to get my mind off everything for a while by looking up driving directions to all the places we want to go this weekend.

After I was done with that I decided to check the account that had been declined and that’s when I found that, while I have a zero balance on that account, it also showed the available credit as zero. I pondered this for a while and then called customer service to get more details about it. (Here is where the credit card lessons come into play.) I learned that, back in December I was over limit and missed a couple of payments. I had paid the card off in full in late December. I had not used the card after that so didn’t open any of the statements that arrived after December. I was shocked when I received a phone call from that credit card company in April seeking to collect payment. Upon researching past statements I found that I had been charged an annual membership fee in January, but because I had always carried a balance on that account was blissfully clueless as to when that annual fee was applied every year. So not only did I owe the membership fee, but 3 months worth of late charges as well. As a result of those two events, there is a restriction on my card that can’t be lifted for up to 12 months. I am embarrassed that it happened at all, but it is probably for the best, because the temptation to use that card is now gone. The three lessons I learned from this experience are 1) Don’t go over the maximum limit, 2) Make at least the minimum payments on time, 3) Open mail when it is received (no matter how scary it seems at the time it will mean fewer panic attacks in the future)!

That is not where the story ends though. While I was on the phone with the credit card company Scott came downstairs to let me know that dinner was ready. He then asked me to think carefully about which of my debts is on my mind the most and to let him know after dinner. My very first thought was “All of them” but I knew that wouldn’t help the come up with any solution. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve made so many bad financial decisions that they seemed to just snowball. Unfortunately, winning the lottery seems out of the question, so a more practical approach is needed. I realized that I have not balanced my checkbook since November, so that is something that I will probably spend time doing while I’m recovering from surgery, if not before. I also seem to struggle most with my credit cards because I keep using them like cash. Scott is confident that he will find a job very soon and crunched some numbers to come up with a tentative plan to help me get out of debt. It won’t be easy by any stretch of the imagination, but if he brings home what he is estimating, even after child support is taken out, it should be an attainable goal.

There is a pocket in my courier bag that I use to place all of my bills when they come in, that way I don’t lose them in the mail mess that seems to consume my kitchen table. After talking with Scott about his plan I decided it would be a good time to write down all of my bills, how much I still owe on all loans and get a handle on what I will have to pay out of my next paycheck. As I was organizing all of the bills I came across an envelope from the phone company, which happens to be a co-op. It was already opened so I knew I had seen it, but was thrilled to find that it was a refund check for a couple hundred dollars!! I remembered receiving the check and knew that it would help out, but for some reason didn’t put it in my purse to deposit right away and stuck it in that bill pocket instead. This is why I firmly believe that everything happens in the order it does for a reason. If I had deposited that check when I first received it, I would have spent it already … so by sticking it in the wrong pocket it was there for me when it would do the most good.

My outlook on life is more positive today than it has been in nearly a month!

things to ponder

Things to ponder:

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

breaking news!

The last time I mowed the lawn was a year ago while Scott was in Washington. I decided that I would mow the lawn today, instead of having Scott do it. I'm really glad I did. I had forgotten how good it makes me feel to be able to smell freshly cut grass and actually be out in it.

Puppy pictures are scanned and uploaded ... click on the My Zoo link and then their picture for more. Now I'm going to go finish cleaning out the spare bedroom so I can actually put a bed in it again (preferably before Mom comes on the 6th). I really don't think I'll feel up to it after that, but who knows!

babbles of an insomniac (sp?)

Late night babble: Insomnia is horrible! I know that Scott has frequent insomnia, but I'm not used to it at all and just can't fathom how he's been able to deal with it all these years. I tried reading until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, my head hits the pillow, eyes shut and on goes my brain! All these thoughts, to many and varied to commit to text, swirling around, getting tangled and twisted around one another until I can't stand it any longer and have to get up. I probably need decent sleep and rest now more than I ever have and it just won't come to me. I'm so frustrated I could cry, but know that won't do anything but make my eyes puffy and give me a headache. Maybe now that I've gotten it out of my system I can sleep? Not sure, but my eyes won't stay open ... maybe I should just sleep in my chair ;-)

Oh, and surprise, surprise, surprise ... guess who wasted her $2.00 in quarters. All I want is enough to pay off my "bad debt" and a decent chunk of my "good debt" I'm sick of worrying about when what is going to get shut off or repossessed...

Evening babble: I looked through the catalogue I got from National American University and found several different Business Administration courses, one with emphasis on Management, another with emphasis on pre-law. Both could lead to advancement opportunities within either RCIS or Wells Fargo, something to think about anyway.

Here's an example of how scattered my thoughts have been today. Both dogs needed bigger collars, so I scraped together some cash and Scott and I headed into Sioux Falls on a collar buying expedition. While in PetCo, Scott fell in love with the ferrets (who would have guessed?), but this time I didn't get the pleading puppy dog eyes "Can I have one?". After we left I found out that it was because a guy had come into the store with a wolf mix and Scott decided that he would give up on the ferret if he could have a wolf instead ... and I said "Sure". We talked about wolves during the drive home, but I found my thoughts drifting to having to collect my pee tomorrow, then about how long it was going to take me to wake up after surgery, then I started thinking about the deductible I am going to get stuck paying .. OH, I have $2.00 in quarters, I should buy a couple of lottery tickets, I mean the chances of getting Thyroid Cancer are pretty slim, so maybe I will have the same luck with the lottery? We stopped at the convenience store, I went in to get the lottery tickets and noticed a "Now hiring Part Time help" sign on the door and thought, "Hey, I used to work here, I know I can do this job and I really need the extra money right now. I should apply" so I bought the lottery tickets and picked up an application. We got home, I walked into the kitchen and wondered what I had been thinking. I'm scheduled to have surgery in a touch over two weeks and don't know how long the recovery will take, why would I want to start a part time job now?

Scott laughed and told me I am having a mid-life crisis......

On a different note, Elton came and picked up the Coca Cola refrigerator that Brad gave him a number of year ago, but left here because he didn't have room when he moved. While I have room for it, I have not used it in over a year and just couldn't see having it taking up space in my basement and felt it only right to ask him what he wanted done with it ... so anyway, he and Doug came and picked it up this afternoon. I didn't expect to feel sad, but I do. Seeing Elton and Doug brought back waves of nostalgia that I don't think I was prepared for.

There are so many different emotions whirling around in my heart and brain right now, I'm not sure which end is up.

Early morning babble: I looked into some online courses for IT-Webmaster/Web Design. I love doing this kind of thing, but don't know that I have the patience to endure the 4 years of classes that most companies seem to require today (and let us not forget tuition costs and having to repay a rather substantial student loan). You know what's amazing to me? I had NO desire to work in the insurance industry at all and now I've been working in crop insurance for the past 16 years! I've learned so much and become so specialized that I'm just not sure I have the capacity to learn something else, especially at 38.

Vet visit

On the plus side of my day - just took a short online IQ test and scored a 127, up from the last one I took a couple of years ago which was 124. I'm thinking I'm slightly above average, not that it matters much in the end.

I decided that I'm tired of pretending that I can handle my own problems, because if today was any kind of example, I clearly can't. I had a little melt down today. I took both dogs to the vet today to get their shots updated. The vet starts at 6:30 in the morning and I was able to get the first appointment. SWEET, no waiting to get in! Both dogs are approximately 40 pounds overweight, so we talked about diet and exercise for them. They ran a heartworm test on both that came back negative, but being late spring/early summer, it's time for HeartGuard. Sadie has a build up in both ears, so the vet prescribed something for that ... shots for both, DONE. Less than 25 minutes, plenty of time to get back home and still make it to work. I put the dogs in the truck and went in to pay the bill. I was expecting to pay about $150.00, but NO, it was a little more than double that. Yes folks, $336.09 for that short shot visit. I had just checked my bank balance two days before so assumed I had enough in my account to cover that, well guess again! That's what I get for assuming, ya know? I only had $189, but remembered a check that I had not deposited yet ... so now I'm up to $289 ... and I have $63.00 left in overdraft protection ... YAY, enough to cover the vet bill. But not enough to cover the $60.00 in doctor visit co-pay checks that I've written out in the past week. Talk about a sinking, sickening feeling. I am looking at mounting medical bills and unpaid household bills and a paycheck that I haven't gotten yet but is gone about twice over. How does it get to this point? I know that I believe God never gives us more than we can handle, but honestly, my nerves, emotions and mental capacity are stretched about as thin as they can be stretched. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of stress and anxiety, clinging to a raft but losing my grip quickly. I went home for lunch and told Scott what had happened in the financial world and broke down in tears because I just couldn't cope right then. I'm better with things now, but not sure for how long...

Tonight, while waiting for the news to come on, I flipped channels and found a quote I kind of liked ...
"How we spend our time matters more than how we spend our money. Money mistakes can be fixed, but time is gone forever."
How appropriate that I should read something like that tonight. I'm sure that everything will work out the way it's supposed to and for the best, I'm just not sure my sanity will remain intact long enough to see it come to fruition!

WOOT, another doctor...

My visit with Dr. Oppenheimer, the endocrinologist, was generally just another physical... answer a bunch of the same questions, swallow while he poked and prodded my throat, answer more questions. He didn't want to get into what was going to happen after surgery until after the surgery ... so the only thing that I really know for sure about that is that what I read about only having to take one or two doses of radioactive iodine was correct. I won't get sick from it and may experience minimal hair loss, but it will come out in the shower and I will be the only one who will be able to tell.

During the visit he asked some questions about the bumps I have on my skin, if anyone else in the family has or had them ... the only one that I could remember was Dad having a couple of moles removed several years ago. Dr. Oppenheimer started talking about the possibility of them being Neurofibromatosis. Neurofibromatosis (NF) is a genetic disorder of the nervous system which causes tumors to form on the nerves anywhere in the body at any time. Both Dr. Oppenheimer and Dr. Helvig mentioned that it could be related to a problem with my adrenal gland, something called Pheochromocytoma, which could cause my blood pressure to skyrocket under anesthesia, which could "bump me off" ... SO, we are doing another test. This time I get to collect all of my urine during a 24 hour period and have it tested to measure different types of adrenaline, plus some other stuff. Doing the collection thing on Sunday, deliver the huge orange jug on Monday and then sit and wait again. He said that it can take up to a week for the results to come back. I'm willing to wait, because Dr. Oppenheimer will not allow the Thyroid surgery until he knows the adrenal gland is not an issue.

You'll have to forgive me for not writing more tonight, but I'm really tired and think I should take a break from the computer.

Papillary Thyroid Cancer

Late night edition: A baby bunny must have hopped into the window well of the office window (which is in the basement). Poor little thing was pawing at the basement window trying to get out. Scott put on his welding gloves and gently lifted it out. It took a couple of tries, but his ability with animals amazes me every time I witness it. The bunny is free and hopefully back with the momma bunny now.

In talking with Dr. Helvig today, I learned that the form of cancer I have is called Papillary thyroid cancer and is the most common and easily treatable form of thyroid cancer. On June 7th, I will have a surgery to remove my thyroid and the affected lymph nodes. I have an appointment with the endocrinologist tomorrow to talk about the after surgery treatment. From what I've read, this will involve a radioactive iodine, which will concentrate in any remaining thyroid tissue and not cause the normal sickness and hair loss associated with traditional chemotherapy treatments ... but I will find more out about that tomorrow.

My aunt sent me an email earlier today, which had a quote in it from Bernie Siegel, MD: "I have found that four faiths are crucial to recovery from serious illness: faith in oneself, one's doctor, one's treatment and one's spiritual faith." I have all 4, so I know everything will be just fine. Mom is coming out on the 6th to be here for both Scott and I during the surgery. I know that Scott is coming to terms with everything, but this has been very hard on him as well. The support that we have gotten from both family and friends has been almost overwhelming and is very much appreciated. I love all of you, from my newest friends to those who have known me all my life.

I believe that every thing that happens in our lives happens for a reason. Everything from the people we meet, when we meet them, to little things happening that open our eyes to something bigger that we had ignored or just plain not noticed.

Something that comedian Ron White said just came to me... "If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!" Much better than crying over things you can't change, right?

Thyroid Cancer

Got the biopsy results today ... I have a thyroid cancer. I have an appointment with Dr. Helvig tomorrow at 9:10am to find out more information and what my options are as far as treatment. From what I've read, the most effective treatment is removal of the thyroid completely. I found a website that has pretty good information about Thyroid Cancer. Not exactly sure what is going to happen tomorrow, but since they didn't tell me to not eat after a certain time I'm almost positive that I will be home tomorrow afternoon, so will update my site again with more information.

Now, my favor to ask of you... please don't worry. I've done enough of that for all of us! Please keep Scott and I in your thoughts and prayers. I believe strongly in the power of prayer, so even if you don't believe in God or prayer or put much stock in religion, the simple act of sending positive thoughts our way helps.

Tonight I added pictures of Shadow, TC & Teddy ... plus a couple more of Trouble. Check out the My Zoo! link to the left! Since I have so many pictures of my dogs, it's taking me a little longer to sort out the ones that I like, so look for them soon.

Have you ever taken a step back and looked at the direction of your life and wondered how you got on the road you are traveling? I made a series of bad financial decisions and have been paying the consequences for those decisions ever since. I think I've babbled about this in past months, but it's true. I take responsibility for making those decisions and just wish I knew how to make things better now. There are so many thoughts and ideas running through my brain, all claiming to be the answer, but there are so many of them... I know, I'll make a list (another one anyway) and go through the pro's and con's of each idea and wind up doing nothing because I've spent so much time analyzing every detail.

Another PM edition: I added my first "pet" page, complete with pictures ... I have 5 other pests, I mean pets, to find pictures of ... but at least I finally got a start!

PM edition: It's been cold and gray all day long. Except for a couple hours, during which we went shopping for a dust buster to use on the stairs & then stopping to get something to eat, I've been buried under a blanket. I've taken so many naps I think I'll be up for the next couple days. Scott keeps trying to tell me I'm grumpy, but it's not true (although I can't do anything to convince him otherwise).

AM edition: It's cold and overcast (again) and there is NOTHING to do except housework (yippee, where do I sign up?)... I'm not sure why the thought of housework just makes me cringe. I suppose it's because I know there are more enjoyable things that I could and would be doing this weekend, but no one could tell me what was going to happen yesterday until I got there. I had better get over this funk, otherwise it is going to be an extremely long weekend for me!

congratulations Scott!

The latest news is that I still don't know anything for sure ... There are two different things going on with my neck. There are several masses in my lymph node and a separate one in my thyroid ... so Dr. Helvig took two different fine needle aspirations at the ENT clinic and sent the cell samples to the pathologist at the hospital. The results won't be back until Tuesday or possibly Wednesday. Could be good, could be bad ... guess that remains to be seen. She sent me home, so I made a bunch of phone calls & took a little nap :-)

On a completely unrelated and much happier note, Scott passed the last of his certifications on Wednesday and brought home his plaque yesterday.

<-- the cake & the certificate -->

and the what the certificate actually says:

waiting stinks

So I'm sitting in the waiting room of the clinic, waiting for Dr. Chester to finish his rounds at the hospital and I must have drifted into a light sleep because I about jumped through the ceiling when his nurse called me back. I sat in the exam room for a few more minutes, when he arrived... I thought this was supposed to be a consultation to let me know what to expect tomorrow ... and every question I asked about the actual biopsy and what to expect he said that he wasn't sure. He doesn't know if Dr. Helvig is going to want to just do a fine needle aspiration or if she will want to completely remove the tumor. All he could tell me was that is was that the lump is not a cyst, nor was it an infection pocket, it is a solid mass. I've been reading about Thyroid nodules and only about 5% of all cases are cancerous, and most forms are highly treatable ... somehow that isn't stopping my stomach from turning into a boiling pit of upset again. Mom can attest to my impatience when it comes to stuff like this. I just want to know what it is so I can deal with it instead of having all the "if, then" scenarios running through my brain. I wish I could find the way to just shut off my worry valve, because I would in a heartbeat...

Right now I'm waiting for the plumber to arrive to fix the drain in my upstairs tub... I really hope he is able to get the job done so I can move on to some other project.

More later because I have the day off and tons of time to sit and think off all kinds of stuff to spout off about!

/sigh ... guess where I'm going

Biopsy is scheduled for 9:20am Friday. I'll find out more tomorrow about what kind of biopsy it will be and when they anticipate the results ... plus a ton of other questions that I have floating in my brain right now. More later...

and another trip to the doctor

I sure hope everyone had a super Mother's Day. Monday I went in to have the C/T scan done. It wasn't that bad, just louder than I expected and they don't put you in a tunnel anymore, it's more of a donut... but anyway, the doctor's nurse called me this afternoon to let me know that they got the results back and the scan found a lump. I have an appointment to go chat with the doctor on Thursday morning at 9AM and find out when the E.N.T. was able to schedule the biopsy. About the only plus I see right now is that I already go to Dr. Helvig to have my ears cleaned, so I'll at least already know where I have to go to have the biopsy done (well, I hope anyway... I mean I'm just assuming that she will do the procedure at her office). I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't scared or nervous, but Scott's right in his theory that "It just isn't worth it to be upset about it until you know that it's worth being upset about"... Be sure to check back for future installments of this saga I'm calling a life right now! (oh, and keeping me in your prayers wouldn't hurt much either)

a simple trip to the doctor

Happy Mother's Day ... early this time!

I'll start out with the heart of my Mother's Day message & then go on to the little snippet of my life this past week... I just didn't have the time or energy this week to go out and buy cards (I'll explain after the mushy part)

First the Mother's Day thought:

I've learned that I just didn't fully understand how hard it would be to not have children until I wanted children so badly my heart hurts. I want nothing more than to cuddle the child whose mother cares more about her next hit than the well being of her child, or the child whose mother either doesn't have the capacity to or learned how to love her child. Unfortunately, I know too many children who live without that love. I thank God, every day, that I was so blessed and that my life has always been so completely filled with love. I never questioned it because I never had reason to. I don't think there was ever a night that went by that Roxie and I didn't get a hug and kiss good night and both hear and say "I love you" just before we went to bed. Many of my friends thought it was pretty corny when I would tell them about that particular family ritual. I understand and appreciate the significance of that ritual more now than I ever did... With all the recent news about children being abducted, abused and killed, it occurs to me that if either Roxie or I had died during the night, the last thing that we might remember hearing is Mom and Dad reminding us that we are loved.

Thank you all for being part of and helping to shape my life!

Now, on to the less mushy stuff... I'm sure you all know me well enough to imagine me being able to get through most of this with out taking very many breaths, and in such a way that typically has Grandma in stitches by the time I'm through with my little rants.

Last Friday my throat hurt when I swallowed, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't work through it, so I went to work around 6:30am. By 8:10am I was on my way back home. I think I slept pretty much all day and night Friday. Sunday morning I get up and the condition with my throat hadn't changed at all, so I decided "Yes, that's what they made the Urgent Care Clinic for" and headed to Sioux Falls. I get there 20 minutes before the place opens and the parking lot was filling up fast, so naturally I cursed under my breath and followed the herd in when the doors finally opened. Much to my surprise and joy, most of those people were actually health nuts who were there to use the Fitness Center and there were only 3 of us that actually needed to see a doctor. A 20 dollar co-pay and 10 minutes later I'm headed back out the door with a diagnosis of tonsillitis and a prescription for penicillin. I went to our friendly local pharmacist and had the prescription filled. He filled me in all the what to and not to do when taking this drug and sent me on my way. I started taking it right away and my throat actually started feeling better that night even, not 100% but better.

I started coughing pretty hard every time I would lay down, and thought it was the infection breaking up and my body trying to get rid of it, but by late Monday night I noticed that there was a ... well ... lump (for lack of a better word) on the side of my neck, so I thought I had pulled a muscle with all the coughing and what not. Tuesday I felt really hot, but I don't own a thermometer, so just guessed that my body finally decided that it would finally help the penicillin get rid of the tonsillitis, although I was able to swallow without pain ... After several sleepless nights and cat naps at work (which really scared some of my co-workers I guess) last night Scott had seen and heard enough and said something that boiled down to "I don't really care what you say, you are going to the doctor tomorrow" so he was very upset with me when I went to work instead of calling in sick. I just couldn't see it since I felt better today than the entire week before! So I called and made an appointment to see my normal doctor, except that my normal doctor is out until Thursday, which left me with Doctor Chester. I am really lucky that I have such a cool boss, because she didn't even bat an eye when I told her what was going on and that I needed time of at the spur of the moment like that.

Anyway, I went and saw Doctor Chester today. Nice guy, for a doctor. This was the first time I have ever gone into that clinic when they didn't push me on the scale or take my blood pressure (YAY! Doctor lectures are saved for the primary physician I guess). The nurse took my temperature, 101.9 - have to admit, I didn't see that one coming because I didn't feel nearly as warm as I had earlier in the week, so I am starting to wonder what my temp had actually gotten to -- hmmm -- Oh, I know ... HIGH! Enter Doctor Chester who asked me a couple more questions and then started actually examining my neck. I think he spent about ten minutes just comparing the two sides of my neck and asking me if I was sure it didn't hurt at all either when he pushed on it or when I swallowed ... actually it felt pretty good to have him touch it, maybe because it is right under or along side a muscle? At any rate, it was uncomfortable and I notice it once in a while, but it doesn't really hurt ... of course stupid here was comparing the pain to that of the tonsillitis episode rather than treating this as a separate issue. He boiled it down to it being one of 3 things: It could be my lymph node, or it could be a cyst, or it could be an infection pocket (or abscess). But the only way to be sure is to have a CT scan done, in the mean time let's draw some blood and Hey, anyone up for an X-Ray? I guess I was ... I haven't had one of those since that bus accident one cold winter morning all those years ago, but I digress. Happy news is that my lungs are clear and he didn't see anything alarming about my neck, oh and my white cells are up. That coupled with the fever leans heavily toward the infection pocket theory, so he increased the dosage of penicillin (which, of course, isn't in the formulary so this trip wound up costing me $70 rather than $30) and said that he still wanted to have the CT scan done to be on the safe side. That happens on Monday because today I actually remembered to take my Metformin in the morning and I guess the dye they use for the CT scan can combine with the metformin and cause really bad things to happen to the kidneys, so Monday it is.

Ok, so it wasn't all that funny I guess, but I did want all of you to know what was going on and to ask that, while I think this is nothing more than a stupid, easily treatable infection, it would be nice if everyone could add me the their prayer list, at least until after I find out for sure what the CT results are ... ok?

ps, the plumber was here today and thinks he found and fixed the leak in the pipe! and all of the above is why I forgot to buy any Mother's Day Cards this year.

fears

Happy late May Day! You'll have to forgive me, I got about 2.5 hours of sleep last night. Sunday I went to the urgent care clinic and discovered that I have/had tonsillitis. Penicillin for the next 10 days, which seems to be working, at least during the day ... but at night I cough and hack and toss and turn. Basically it BITES! Ok, I'm over that little rant...

Next rant? Well, let me think. Ahh, the joys of home ownership! I walked downstairs on Saturday morning after my shower and heard the very distinct sound of a leaking roof. Sure enough, the ceiling of the downstairs bathroom had sprung a leak, meaning that the upstairs tub drain must have sprung an even bigger leak! I sure with I could remember which plumber here in Brandon Jeanette always used. Hopefully I'll be able to get in touch with Elton today to tickle his brain about it. I love Scott, but he's not terribly handy when it comes to things of this nature and if I want to be able to resell the house I have to make sure that repairs are actually repaired correctly. Guess that means a call to a plumber for the leaking pipes and to a dry wall guy to replace the ceiling ... ahh, my little money pit ... I'm thinking I should have bought a YURT!

On a completely different topic, I think I'm going through a "job burn out" phase (again). The only things keeping me there are the people I work with, the 30 days of paid time off and my almost paralyzing fear of starting over. I like my house, but know that I'm just not happy in town. Brandon was fine when I first moved here, but over the past 10 years the quaint little town has become a sprawling metropolis ... I found a small acreage online the other day that intrigued me. It's down near Alcester, which is closer to Sioux City than to Sioux Falls, but it is also over $11,000 less than what is currently left on my existing mortgage and is in the country ... and then the fear kicks in again ... BLEH! Too many unknowns, like where Scott will find a decent paying job now that he's almost done with school (one last certification test to take!) ... if he finds work in Sioux City then the place in Alcester would be an almost ideal location, pretty much in the middle of both towns, but if he finds work in Sioux Falls ... well, I guess Brandon it is for a while longer...

YIKES, I have to get to work! Later all.