a time to remember those who fight for our freedoms

It's Memorial Day. Thank you to all those who died for the freedoms we enjoy today, and thank you to those who continue to fight to protect those freedoms.

On a completely unrelated note, I started following Weight Watchers again on Friday. I also started an exercise routine that I can do when I travel. We'll see how this week goes and just take it day by day. I'm also trying to not take myself so seriously. I'm not doing this to win a beauty pageant, I'm doing this for my health and general well being.

And the thunder rolls...

Yesterday Scott and I were bored, so decided to go to Barnes & Nobles to browse some books. While we were there the tornado warning siren went off in Sioux Falls so we were ushered into the back area (the employee's break room). Nothing came of it, but Scott decided that we should head home and get the cats into the basement "just in case". Lots of lightening to the west and north, but it looked like the storm was heading mostly north. We got home and I started dinner (single serve lasagna from Schawn's, YUMMY!) then went out into the back yard with Scott.

We were just watching the clouds and lightening in the distance when Scott noticed that there was a bank of clouds moving east and another bank of clouds moving north, right over Brandon. Before long those two banks converged and I've never seen anything like it. The clouds pitched and boiled together, we could see several places where the clouds were spinning, as if being swirled in a beaker. Black, angry clouds mixing with lighter gray clouds, spinning and rolling, but boiling still seems to describe it best. I started to get a little freaked out because it seemed to settle right over our back yard, so I headed back inside to get all of the animals down into the basement. Curiosity overcame my better judgment and I headed back outside to continue to watch the sky with Scott. He said that he saw two or three funnels develop, start to drop and then just as quickly dissipated. That cloud bank moved off without further incident, but then the sky opened up and it rained, and rained, for what seemed like hours it rained. It was an amazing thing to watch.

a weighty rant

It's not that I don't want to lose weight, but I get so tired of trying, of the constant struggle. I feel like I'm in quicksand, the more I struggle the worse things get - so I just sit here, doing nothing, all the while knowing that my situation is not improving. I know I have to do something because I'm in a very high-risk area for developing diabetes, and am in a high-risk area for a myriad of other health problems.

I remember the first time I knew I needed to do something about my weight. It was Easter weekend 2001, all of my family had come out to South Dakota to spend the holiday with me. My sister took digital pictures of my home,
animals and the family then sent them to all of us after she got back home. I cried when I opened that email and saw how big I looked on camera. My best friend kept after me about my weight. At first he made fun of me, thinking that if he used humor it wouldn't hurt as much, but soon found that making fun of me only served to deepen the depression I had fallen in. Then he started getting me to discuss my health, why my back hurt, why my knees
hurt. He just kept after me, held me accountable in some respects. When I committed myself to Weight Watchers I did well. I had lost 70 pounds, looked and felt fantastic, I could cross my legs, walk without feeling winded. It was great!

But then something happened, and I couldn't put my finger on it until now. I had blamed it all on my hitting a weight plateau and not being able to move past it, but that was only part of the problem. The WW meeting leader wasn't very helpful or supportive, the group sessions were also not very rewarding and then when my best friend moved out he took that support with him and I soon found myself slipping back into the same bad habits that I had worked so hard to overcome before. Now I find that I am in worse shape then I was back in 2001, I gained all the weight back plus packing on additional pounds. My depression is deep and dark. I can't seem to get past the thought that I failed myself.

I need help, but am afraid to ask for it. I'm afraid that people with look at me with pity and a level of contempt that I have allowed my physical state to deteriorate to the point it has. I'm afraid that I'll fail again, that I'll lose weight again only to put is all back on again.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! I hope you all enjoy your special day!

TICKS :(

TICKS!!! Icky creatures and I had to pull one off my dog, Jessie, for the first time ever. It wasn't as difficult as I had expected it to be, but still pretty much creaped me out. Dad gave me some encouragement and I just did it. Not that I ever want to have to do it again, but at least I know I can now.

I MISSED APRIL!

So it appears that I disappeared for a little over a month... A little recap of last month. Lets see, the temperature here has fluctuated between lows of 30 degrees and highs of 90 degrees over the past month. My tulips are all up and in full bloom, we got a wild flower bed planted (well, Scott did pretty much all the work, all I did was help mix top soil with compost and then level the seed bed). Scott even had to mow the lawn once already. It smelled so good, so fresh, I'm just loving it.

On the work front, I'm still doing the same job, but they finally configured a space for me and moved me closer to the two teams. My office is pretty much centrally located in relation to both teams, and I can sure tell a difference. I used to get lots of phone calls because people just didn't want to walk back and chance me not being in my office, now they just stop by when they go to pick up their printing and faxes. There is a lot more to distract me now, but I'm getting used to it - albeit slowly, but surely.

Things on the home front are going pretty good as well. Along with the gardening type stuff I wrote about above, Scott has been trying to get me a little more physically active. We started walking after I got home from work, but I think the hike along the river and me wheezing and struggling to breath was an indicator that I need to start up on a smaller scale. It will never cease to amaze me how extremely easy it is to slip back into bad or lazy habits.

Scott got me to start reading for pleasure again. He picked out a book for me that he thought I would like. It's called The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auhl. I admit, I'm only on chapter 2, but she's a talented writer and I've already been drawn into several of the characters. Guess Scott is trying to get me to exercise my brain if I'm not going to exercise my body...

Love & hugs to everone!